We Need Brave Spaces to Talk About Our Menopause Experience
By Alyssa Blais, Founder Menopeer Canada
For additional context, you can read Alyssa’s previous blog, “An End to Enduring in Silence; Menopause and the Need for Peer Support” here.
The number one thing I hear women tell me is that they don't have enough support. Some of the physical changes I underwent during menopause seriously impacted how I felt about myself and my self-worth. Growing up as a biological female in a hypersexualized culture led me to believe that my worth lies within my reproductive capacity. I almost believed that story until I began to unpack and work through the changes my body and mind underwent during the menopause transition.
Finding time for myself was difficult, especially when juggling a busy life, working, and supporting a family member. Other emotional stressors during this time of my life heavily burdened me. I hadn't given my mental health much thought as I entered menopause. I didn't know about mood swings as all I ever heard about menopause was the typical woman fanning herself due to a hot flash. I had no idea the impact would be so profound and that I had a problem. It was my daughter who was the problem! Or my boss! They would do or say something, inciting rage within me. Suddenly, I would turn into a lion in seconds; all I wanted to do was destroy whatever irritated me. I'd feel scared after the anger subsided. It appeared like an evil spirit had seized control of me because this wasn't me.
I wish I had someone to talk to about this. I wish someone would have said to me, "your body is changing, and you are not to blame for these feelings. There is a genuine chemical reaction going on".
When we have concerns, we go to our doctors. Yet, I was unsure how my doctor could help me. Would he see me as "mad"? I felt I was diving deep into a black hole and ashamed of my behaviour. I was aware of all the practical jokes and memes relating to hot flashes, brain fog, thinning hair, and other annoying symptoms, but not this irrational anger and frustration!
I could have gotten the compassionate ear I required from a peer supporter. Talking about my physical changes, the emotional minefield, and learning to function as a whole being with someone post-menopause would have been a lifesaver. Listening to my story and empowering me to find a professional to process my shame would have been hugely helpful.
We need to stop keeping quiet about menopause and make sure anyone who is menopausal receives support and dignity instead of being told to "get over it" or endure in silence.
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MHI provides a full suite of mental health services for workplaces and health care. They consist of a comprehensive turnkey service for the development of peer support programs, as well as virtual and in-person peer support skills training that is customized for the community, first responders, and workplaces.
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